Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Thoughts, and Unorthodox Hearts I

Thoughts and Unorthodox Hearts I

You have outdone yourself again
virile, tempering with whichever organs you can

as if you've grasped my twisted veins, my anatomy
as if you think you got a hold of me

tugging at my shoulders and pulling on my hours
defending your own ego, soliciting your powers

rising out the crack i made form
subject of illusion- embedded in the deception you deem a norm

graduating from the things i taught you

proving i was right though false, and all you wanted came true
falling from your eyes into your hands  and shaking them to their virtue
some wicked benevolence that would become our point of view
there’s nothing left to figure out, no more colours left to paint you

like a beast you’re eating at the hearts
that beat in the shadow of your soul
and drinking down the souls who make pilgrimages in your name-
burns your incense and coal

the aftermath of your love bursts into hellish flames
sweet adjectives die as i try to describe you by those names

language itself has escaped from your cavity of speech
hanging from your disorder, on the periphery of repentance border, with saints outta reach
the last sermon in the word you hold dear is yours to preach

of your lacerations, guilt, and how you were defiled and misguided
growing into who you had turned out to be in the world you say they conspired

you said your ex burst like a firework the minute you walked away
some intended story of loss that would make me stay
and i sat in the fold of your shadow, head against your arm till night became day

oblivious to the curses flying like winged blood cells through your core
if only it were possible that each heart had its own door
i’d never make it known that i stood behind my own, eyes to the scarlet floor
awaiting some promise, expecting something better than i know
willing to go wherever the music and the beautiful things go

falling into your unorthodox dispositions
laying in the wait of your prolonged decisions
regretting harder than a god who created a devil about his people
chewing the ashes of, and tasting the bitterness of literal evil

i’ve misled myself by this, spreadeagled at the foot of some steep hill
with tomorrow at the top, today at the centre, and yesterday on the ground
in a cube of silence, deaf to my own words, only my breaths and heartbeats make a sound
i can hear how nervous i am, i can hear the sound of nothing
breaking against the silence like if a spectre ever had to sing

i glance toward my sides and see the world you’ve left me in
and think of the things i had dreamed of, the placed i wished i had seen
and you were my binoculous not my guide
walking within your step, not right by your side

taking in the world through your eyes
as if when we merged we metamorphosed to smaller floating skies

looking down upon all the things that mean little to what we wan’t
though as the moon emerges behind a lone cloud of grey
i feel my weight dwindle down and my wings have gone away

and i fall but you still hang in the clouds with a smirk about your facade
aghast by your unorthodox eyes and heart, hitting the ground twice as hard
with nothing left to console myself by
no answer in the book, to the question why
and some unorthodox history, by which to remember you and i

 ©Raeez Jacobs. Poetry, 2013. 

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