Friday, February 8, 2013


You used to say very little
to all the words they hurled your way
folded in, thinking you were a foetus
or that your silent prayer
would end it that day

i used to watch you go still
as things crossed your mind
in the still of the moment

i watched you discard of pasts
and hang onto what mattered

i've seen you carry yourself
all along the arduous social shelf

i remember how much your feared the void
riddled by a life lived in paranoia
of the things your history would come to do
i saw your eyes become unemployed-
vacant, empty, as if you were looking at me
but couldn't see me at all
like being able to swim
yet still drown in dead waters

i watched you confuse me

doubt myself, and throw myself
at things moving faster than meteors
lending myself to the open most doors
hoping to find someone a little bit more like me
someone who could hurt and let that be that

god-induced, able, and strong minded
absent to the things that made them wet
as if they were being baptised again
anointed to another cycle of disdain
only this time
they'd bear the grunge under a different name

i think you only began to realize
that the answer was not in the title you held
the day you got life back into your eyes
the day you stopped staring wide-eyed at the changing skies

the day you came out of the manilla fold of your shadow-
opened up, stepped in, unmasked yourself, and let your intentions show
they stopped laughing at you that day
i started to trust myself again and stopped throwing myself at the wind
hoping it would carry me to the furthest and darkest corner of the world
i felt haughty, i felt proud that day

because nothing could have prepared me
or ever made me think that there would come a time
in the sordid existence to which we were privy
that my eyes would literally glance at liberty
as if it had metamorphosed from mere state to a physical inanimate thing

i began to believe in things i had been sceptical about
realizing what i could and couldn't do without
that even though you we spent our lives drifting to and fro
we always knew where our souls would go
we always understood that home within each other
that no matter where you went or who you saw
your heart was still beating in the shadow of our abodes door
so you could be who you wanted to be and fulfil your every dream
and i could do the same under my own sentiments and my own regimes
comfortable enough to watch you make the most of your dreams.

©Raeez Jacobs. Poetry. 2013

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