Yesterday my cousin asked me the question: "What do you think an adolescent should do, if they want to build their confidence." To which I was meant to list at least four things, for her Life Orientation project. I thought of four apt-on-concise things and then launched into answering her, as she jotted them hurriedly against the rapidity of my repose.
-They should immerse themselves in trying to understand who they are, because that knowledge of yourself, entitles you to be outwardly expressive, outright, firm, and clear of who you are. It also allows you to have an unscripted and realist perception of your innate preferences, meaning that you're more likely to do what brings you happiness than had you never ventured down that road of knowledge.
-They should engage in the things that they are most passionate for, or like the most, because those things satisfy us, not only intellectually but socially and psychologically too; they allow us to expresses the sentiments we're bound to conceal, meaning that through the function of acting on the passions, they bring those things out, and deal more comprehensively with whichever issues they may have. Doing so further makes one amenable to staggering confidence, in that we engage with other people, through social engagement, we find that space in which we can be expressive around and to others; a point by which we venerate ourselves, socially at least.
-Confidence is arduously attainable for many people, but for most it's a rather preemptive step toward building themselves into the envisioned ideal in their minds. The lines between those who can and can't are blurred, albeit we see so many of the focal characteristics in the mannerisms, dispositions, and reactions that people portray before us, but that doesn't necessarily entail that, they surmount to an overview of someone's mind, it is candidly an assumption or presumption that we base anyway on what we are used to seeing as actions of a nature related to people of a certain demeanor. So, it makes sense that they should enroll into societies, cultural groups, forums, and other means of technological geography, so as to know the directions around the places and people they often frequent anyway. You'll be surprised at how doing so actually propels the ego.
-Belief in themselves. This is arguably the most momentous of the four listed here. It's integral to the employment of the first three, or a prerequisite to their success in reality; bereft of this quality, it would be unfeasible and ludicrously unattainable for one to arrive at even attempt being sociable, engaging, and connected to. Belief in oneself is related to the fact that, unlike the belief we have religiously or anthropologically, this belief is premised on our own perceptions, realities, dreams, experiences, relations, and identities. Some people go to war with themselves, trying to believe in themselves, winding up grossly discombobulated and exhausted through all their innate struggles. There are many factors which may influence how we come to view ourselves in the end, and no one is exempt from the opportunity to explore such influence, implying that what happened to you, should never define who you are. Belief in yourself ascertains that, because in retrospect, you believe and understand yourself enough to be cognizant of your reality, and have transcended the narrow-minded way of thinking- which is blaming yourself for consequences that were really out of your power. Strong people can lift cars and trucks, and walk off with them, but powerful people can work with and do everything with the minds; including evade emotions, which many say is improbable.
Now, on my terms, I happen to harbor other ways to ignite confidence and boost ones ego, and don't always believe that these methods work. (Sometimes, it's best to opt for what you find within yourself- no great 'self-help' or 'HOW TO' book is going to ameliorate your situation, nor will it ever omit the demons you struggle with angst to horde off, using more than just first-grade holy water and garlic-tied-in-bags.) Your thoughts are the first place to start, in trying to peruse your mental propensities- so, it makes sense to start doing as you think...You know that subconscious voice in your head, that innately whispers bitch in your head, while you lean in (consciously) to hug (consciously, again) someone you're pretending to like? Yes, that voice is really you talking, and should be the one that guides you. You're no better off than the girl you're calling, Bitch since you're lying to yourself every single day of your sordid and sorry existence. No one pities people who lack self-confidence and you're usually scorned at, for holding such grotesque opinions of yourself. Some times people will offer words of advice and lend an ear, but usually, people become irked with such characters, and lose the patience by which they first approached the scenario in question.
I am one such person...I hate having to advise someone about something today, and than have to do so in just a few months again, especially if there is no inkling of an effort resonating from the situation. Did you try this, that, and then what about that? All no. It doesn't look good on your life resume, and it may sound hurtful or disrespectful, but despite how grandiose your problem, if you don't do what's needed to help yourself overcome it, then you are the first and last to blame, even if someone else brought it about. The adage: "I am a reflection of how people treat me" pays homage to this recurring idea, and abets ones understanding in the structure of the mind (NOT THE BRAIN), so that they are knowledgeable of exactly how much they are responsible for how they are treated, welcomed, viewed, and then whether or not they are lauded or disregarded as if downtrodden or something.
If you want to be confident, be confident. It's that simple, literally. The phenomena that is shyness and withheld characteristics is something that still befuddles me, having myself been a rather feeble and shy character for most of my life. It doesn't matter, because yesterday has no bearing on today...yes, problems don't diminish overnight, but who says I have to feel the same today? Help yourself to understand your emotions, and mostly why you feel them in the first place...in this way you know, unbiased and in sheer sophistication, the face of your preferences. Having perused this face, you are a product of yourself, empowered through your likes and dislikes, desires, dreams, affiliations, the things you anticipate, and hold vendettas again- herewith you are granted access also to being able to answer some of the questions that had looked so rhetorical over time. Don't ignore the things your mind showcase, because there's a reason why it's there in the first place. The mind imbibes and definitely does filter, and having thoughts agonize or taunt you, is a clear indication of the fact, that you're disallowing yourself the chance to do something you subconsciously wish to reenact in reality. Sometimes they show themselves through dreams (mostly the ones we often can't explain, or relate back to our own lives.) or they egress as random thoughts at night before we go to sleep...sometimes preventing that sleep from even taking place.
Psychologists have explained this as a way of the mind reconciling with our failure to act upon our propensities, noting also that it can lead to a life of ardent guilt, shame, and regret, especially beyond the periphery of youth. Convincing yourself consciously that you don't want something won't serve, because you're being biased by omitting the supervenience of the adjoining subconscious, which should frankly have been consulted first and in the foremost. The former idea has no bearing on the latter, though the latter is what causes the former to be void of that bearing anyway; if you're in the purgatory, or vortex rather of your mind, trying to understand things for the use of your confidence, then it's a good idea to start by believing in your TRUTH and being who you really, despite having lived through years of being someone you're not. Don't be conventional, and don't subject to liking and disliking just because you have been socialized into perceiving of that thing as likable or not-so-likeable- first try to see if you actually do agree with it, in the back of your mind.
The mind is inexorably the most intricate, and unique-cum-perfectly designed machine known to have ever come into existence...and of all places, it is housed within the anatomy of our being, making us amenable to its unmatched perfection, and its slew of functions. Many philosophers believe that, if we surmount to the FULL use of our minds, we'd be able to do things so powerful, we'd scare ourselves to death. I reckon that carries some truth to it, since I am profoundly and ceaselessly dumbfounded at how afraid people are to come to understand themselves, through their own minds- as a human, its our evidence of what is not on the outside. The exterior is nothing really, in fact, the exterior need not exist for life to be evident, since if the imagination is active, there is life therein. Life doesn't imply "living"- it's only figuratively, and we often assume that living, as a state whereby we function daily...waking up, showering, going out, etc. but that is not the only form whereby we can live; living can play out by alternate modus operandi too; such as through the 'life' of the 'imagination' recurrent and ongoing, and also through the harboring and nurturing of vivid and fulfilling dreams, as well as narcotic-infused mental states. Life is not limited to the use of our bodies, which is why I've always been an advocate against people killing those in vegetative states, because yes we can biologically infer that they are near-lifeless, and can do nothing that classes them as 'living entities' despite their pulse and heartbeat. The mind nonetheless, is a part of the process we can't really account for, and honestly by which memorandum, do we deduce that living within that conclave for a prolonged period of time, is not conducive to living? Had we such knowledge, perhaps we'd let those people carry on, allowing the imagination to overfill while the body drifts towards decay. After death, the mind carries on thinking for at least another 7 to 15 minutes, it has been said, and that is after the heart stops meaning that we as individuals do have the reflective audacity to realize what has befallen us, so contrary to many shared beliefs and concerns, dying won't be such a heavy set surprise.
I think that the key to a good and confident being, is the use of the mind, and the understanding of its functions- without such an understanding, we'll never bring ourselves, not even six blinks close to even being able, to believe in ourselves (Truthfully, that is).