Friday, August 3, 2012

It's In His Risk

Maybe I am different- the way I react or counteract is an anomaly; nothing I say or do, is said nor done, in a similar fashion to other's around me. Bear in mind that this does not make me special, nor unique; surely there are a million other people out there, possessing the exact same traits as I. Perhaps the world is built in such a way, so as to leave room for differences; to entertain and allow for people to react and/ or counteract situations, differently- depending mostly on their will and their approach.
Why have you not broken yet? Well, no matter how many times someone is hurt- inwardly that is- it's never suggestive of any wounds or lacerations; we're not talking about accidents and falls, since if it were that physical, we'd never be heartbroken, because our medicine cabinets would be stocked up with Anti-heartbreak medications and all their different name it. I'm not broken, for I understand my "annihilation" merely as a metaphor, and never use that metaphor in my real life, because no matter how "broken" I am; if there's some other momentous task at hand [apart from mending my achy heart], I know for sure that I am going to do it.

And also I know that heartbreak is ephemeral; it can be easily overcome, though its ferocity should not be underestimated, and one should never add heartbreak to any bucket list. Heartbreaks are mundane as far as I'm concerned, yet, as is the case with death, one can not just simply become accustomed to the effects, since loss feels stronger every time, even if it's the millionth time. The point is not to view heartbreak literally, because, I personally believe that, such thoughts allow us to make wanton assumptions about our strengths and our weaknesses; the traits embedded within our psyches, yet when we make these assumption...the way we aver our destruction, suggests, partly that we have just broken down everything we have and own, because of the collapse of one thing.

Yes sure, admittedly, the heart is a vital organ...but then; what does the beating heart- prone to many more precarious injury, have to do with love? Yes, you're's a merely a symbol- used, overused, cemented and explicitly meant to give love more power, prestige and vitality, by simply equating its life-cycle and existence, as well as preservation, with the heart, because apart from the brain, it's the most vital organ or system in the human body. Though ludicrous, there are those inclined to believe that they can love with all their heart, feel with it and experience; "a slow rush of warmth over it, and so I know its's heartbreak," as one girl said to me, once upon a time. Obviously I too say such things, but I acknowledge that it is not from within my heart, love emanates. Love is greater than any organ in our prone-to-disease bodies, and it is anything but physical; love is only given life, face, and then voice, once it starts to get swayed by a couple, etc.

Therefore, I am not broken yet, and I never plan to break, by the claws of heartbreak, since I know that, offerings always come, and should I assert myself as one who hurls good into the universe; my offerings could only get bigger with time. Love is within us all; even the ruthless and barbaric, garner and then radiate some "form" of love, though they may not understand it in that way. The problem comes when, as human beings, we completely impose all of these rules and cursors into love's wake; unsettling it, and so it can no longer survive- leaving it to melt or rot away while the 'heart' [person] is left fretting for letting a good thing go.

I've been hurt, however, I think that defiled, in the face of some other attackers, would be a more apt adjective, in regard to the magnitude of, or impact from the hurt I've felt before. Each time I pray the world swallows me whole; pray that the pain goes away, and wish that I could walk away and not feel a thing. Love is the bullet before which, even the hardest of hearts surrender, for there's no greater loss then the loss of love. And losing love has nothing to do with your boyfriend or girlfriend; it's actually about the disappearance of all those heart-warming feelings which make up the profile of love. Any other person could come around and give you all those things, and the only reason we say stupid things like; "only he can..." is because we are built on familiarity- trained to except, gravitate toward, and walk along paths we are familiar with. We're filled with unwarranted fear of the unknown, and spend our whole lives searching for some carbon copy of a former glory, when realistically speaking; each heartbreak signifies the end of a contract, and the upgrade thereof is due, and while the activity at hand may not entirely be, upgrading, part of it is learning. Learning where your loyalties lie, learning how to decipher the eyes of deceit- knowing not to welcome anything close enough, if it has initially made you feel uncomfortable. It's about trusting your choices, and finding the light within yourself, to guide you toward the places you're meant to be, without losing sight of where you come from, what you believe in, and what you feel in your heart...

So I'm going to love again, even by some unfamiliar hand. I'm not going look for love in his beauty or in his hair; I'll be there, waiting for the day I finally wish that he would never leave my side (eternity thus signifying the deathless flight of love).

"With love, you should go ahead and risk the feeling of getting hurt; because love is an amazing feeling."        - Britney Spears

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