Keeping Up

Here's a fabulous picture of the Kardashian's: Khloe, Kim, and Kourtney (Left to right), to enjoy while I'm away. I'm off to a slutty old, jersey shore themed party tonight until tomorrow, bitches. Don't miss me too much, and I'll fill you in, on all the raunchy details on Sunday. Anyway, back to the Kardashian's- Kim is currently pregnant, and I'm still trying to understand that though...doesn't it seem weird to you? I hope she gets her body back. Kourtney has two kids already, and Khloe can't seem to have kids with Mr. Odom. Sigh.

Flashback Friday

How awesome is this pic of me, at like a year old, with my great-grandmother and grandfather? HA HA

Purpose

I am so content, to have found myself, becoming rather relaxed; with all the mayhem going on at the moment, it's difficult to find peace of mind, or tranquility in anything. "Just relax." I've been told incessantly, and I've always responded, that if I 'just relax', the end product would disappoint me.
I'm always occupied- or at least always try to be, even if what I am doing is not momentous to some greater good; being occupied keeps me going, and I hate lagging or being stagnant.
It seems there are dimensions of 'busy' these days, because it's so difficult to discern between the schedule of our work lives and our social lives, not to mention our home and family lives. Seriously, it even makes sense to mention something ridiculous as, a religious and cultural life these days, because people are so besotted with that aspect of their lives.

And what about sex life? Isn't that a life all on it's own...

I'm sure many of you are screaming YES at the top of your voices, while a few unfortunate group of you, silently arch your head into the gap between your arms, right?
Nonetheless, before I go off on a tangent, what I'm trying to get at, is that I've found NIRVANA, or as others would like to call it; peace. Whichever way you think of it, I'm feeling it now- complete happiness and contentment with my surroundings, state of mind, relationships, etc, etc.

It's not everyday you get accepted, to study acting at a college in the United States. It thrills me, to think that, in just a few months, I'll be in Los Angeles...
It's always just been this dream of mine, and now it has evolved into becoming something I am actively involved in; going about attaining the funding for, living, tuition, travel, equipment and housing etc, is what makes me realize more and more, indefinitely, that it has transcended its dream state and metamorphosed into a reality. Yes, it does scare me. But as the old adage goes; if your dreams aren't big enough to scare you, than their not real, right? or something along those lines...

I'm intimidated mostly, though I reckon, fear of isolation and fear of the unknown or unexpected has a major influence over the intimidation I feel towards going.
Of course I'm going to, I've wanted this for so long now, and I've done everything imaginable to make it turn it out in my favor.

The other night at Shaquille's house, he asks me why I'm leaving him, and starts rambling on, about me missing this, that, and the other event while being away, including his matriculation. And that's when it really dawned on me, I s'pose...I'm really going to be away, at the apex of so many important events associated with my friends and family, and yeah, the thought of that does make uneasy, but since thinking over it nicely- I comprehend that I'm not going there, to miss out on all these things and disown a former life, I am going to study, and I'm doing just that. My return is debatable, and I won't think about it until I am presented with the options, for what will immediately ensue. For now however, putting things into perspective; understanding the purpose, that is, has abetted me, to estrange myself from guilty thoughts and fears of isolation and the unknown, etc. It always serves, to know your purpose, and to cognize with that, so that you don't have to be preoccupied, with drowning yourself in the sea of thoughts you have in mind.

I'm ready now.

[Poem] If We Had It

We heard the sounds call out
they came from the night
-screams, scratches, shrills
and ghost-like whisper winds

we were growing impatient
our hearts yawned like sighs
and died down like flames
in the morning

      after the rain

we chewed our fingers
like cherry rosaries
it was never our intention
the angst lived on
they put up with the pretension-
the rise of incessant deception

and we were scared
for a while            at least
on the backs of our phobias
in the heart of our minds
losing it
losing enough of it

to know

we didn't have it all

©RaeezJacobs. 2013. Poetry

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Something's Got me Started

To Los Angeles

It feels like forever, since the last time I posted anything on here, and I know I promised to be more consistent with my posts, but I've been so preoccupied lately. I beg the question- do I even have the time? To simply put it, yes I do have the time; it's just seems as if I don't because there are so many tasks at hand and time is perpetually used up- if I'm not going out to the next social, I'm slouched over my laptop, searching for lucrative funding toward international study.

For those of you who don't know, I've been accepted to study a year long acting program, at the New York Film Academy. I'm really excited and nervous at the time, but let's not venture off into talk of my emotions at this point. Right now, I've got to get funding for tuition, travel expenses, living costs, accommodation, and other related costs, etc, sorted out so that study can be possible. Sure, I've been accepted with a $2000 scholarship (roughly R18000), but I've got to come up with the rest of the money on my own. I'm reaching out to organizations, businesses, and people, who are willing to assist me in this endeavour. For a while, I didn't even know where to begin, but I've decided to just do so, instead of wonder where to. It's really crazy, but overwhelming mostly, to think that my audition was worthy enough, to grant me access to a school with such a high caliber and with so much prestige. (trust me, the list of alumni makes me feel like I'm definitely in line for an Oscar or something HA HA)

Anyway, if I secure funding, I'll be off to the States, in the last week of June, to settle in before my first class on July 10. Wish me all of the best luck, and do so in every language possible, because believe me I do rely on it. I've already begun praying to, "To Whom It May Concern", since one cannot be too sure this year, and I really beg of the relevant deity to guide me. Gosh just listen to me...busy praying here- ridiculous, I know; I'm not even religious.